The Dark Life of Alexandra Nicole Parker
by fri13girl
Summary: Alex Parker hasn't spoken since she was only six years old. Her family is dead, she won't be able to have kids, and she had gruesome scars all over her body. Why she has them is all her fault. She hates herself, and she hates life. Until the Cullens come to town. M for graphic things. Younger audiences, please don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a story I came up with. I hope it's not too dark. Bell isn't in this one. Aaron is named after my real life older brother. I almost, sort of, kind of, might love him a little bit. (In a sibling way.) I don't own Twilight and I never will. BTW Italics are flashbacks, bold outside of author's notes are sign language, and bold italics are thoughts.**

Alex

It was all my fault. I should have hidden. Or laid down face down on the floor. Anything but what I did do. Some people can and like to lay blame on other people. I'm not one of them. I know that it was my fault. I should have stayed in bed. I have suffered the consequences of my actions or as I like to call them, mistakes. Nobody in the world can ease my self-loathing. The people at school don't make it any easier. They laugh at my physical appearance. Looking in the mirror is a constant reminder. In fact, looking at my arms and legs is a constant reminder. I will never forgive myself for what happened. I should have died. I guess you might be wondering my name. My name is Alexandra Nicole…Parker.

Purgatory. That was the right word to describe my life. That or Hell. If you want to be optimistic you can say purgatory. I am not an optimist. I probably never will be. School will never be easy for me. I don't speak and I have no friends. I'm just the creepy girl who looks and acts weird. If you really want to know what happened, I will tell you. I just hope you don't get nightmares the way I have them every night.

It happened when I was six years old. I had a pretty good life for a six year old. Mama and Daddy loved me; I had a fun twin brother, Aaron. I had an older sister named Isabelle. We called her Izzie. She was ten years older than me and my brother. Mama got pregnant with her when she was in college. That was where she met Daddy. I had dirty blonde curls like my mother and sister. I had eyes that were complicated. I looked nothing like my father except hints of his eyes were there. My eyes were mostly gray green. There were hints of blue and brown in my eyes. There was more brown to them than blue.

Anyway, I should probably tell you what happened. It won't be pleasant. I can guarantee that. It would probably be best for you to just stop reading this right now. For those who will stay, nice, I like a rebel.

Flashback.

_It was late one night. I was only six years old. Izzie wasn't in her bed. We shared a room. I was going to tell my parents. I got out of bed, happy to get her back for telling Mama and Daddy that I ate ice cream before dinner. I padded down the hall of our two-story house. I saw somebody downstairs. I assumed that it was Izzie. Then, I saw the huge knife. _

_ "Mama! There's somebody downstairs with a knife!" I yelled. The person turned around and looked up at me. I screamed and ran into my parents' room. Mama pushed me, Aaron and Izzie under the bed. I was scared. Suddenly, Mama screamed. Then Daddy started yelling. There was red stuff all over the carpet. It smelled funny. Suddenly, both of them were quiet. Somebody dragged Izzie out from under the bed. _

_ "Please, don't! NoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Izzie screamed. I held onto my brother, scared. Izzie went silent. Then, Aaron and I were dragged out from under the bed. I scrambled to the wall. My parents and sister were still and deathly pale. There was red stuff all over them. I covered my eyes as my brother's shouts filled the air. There was something warm and wet touching my face and my nightgown. Then, I was thrown on my back. My panties were pulled down, my nightgown was pulled up, and my legs were pulled apart. That was a bit too far for me. I was flexible, but it hurt. Then the real pain came. It was from between my legs. I screamed as it kept coming. Then, something pushed itself into my skin. It wasn't quick, like a pinch, it was slow and on my arms, legs, stomach, between my legs, and on my neck. I closed my eyes even tighter as the pain started on the left of my face. It traced a painful trail from the top of my forehead, over my eye brow and closed eyelid, and down to my jaw. It continued to my collar bone. Then, I was flipped over. My bottom cheeks were pulled apart, painfully, and then more pain came from my bottom. Then, it was gone. I laid there for a long time. Then my wrist was grabbed and fingers touched it._

_ "This one's alive!" _

_ "The rest are gone." I was lifted onto a bed and strapped down. Something was put on my face. I opened my right eye. There was red stuff in it._

_ "I'm tired." I mumbled. "I want Mam, Daddy, Izzie and Aaron." I started to close my eyes again. They kept me keeping my eyes open. _

_ Later when I woke up, there was an eye patch over my left eye. I tried to sit up. They broke the news to me. I would never see my parents again, I wouldn't be able to have children, and I was going to move from Oakland, California to Forks, Washington after I was released from a mental hospital. I cried. I would be able to see out of my left eye again, but I was going to have a giant scar. I would have several scars all over my body. And in my mind too._

End of Flashback.

You see? I lived in a mental hospital for seven years afterwards. I always had nightmares, but I was considered fine. When I moved to Forks, Washington, I developed my self-loathing. In school, I was put in the seventh grade. That year, everybody just stared. I had roughly twenty five scars all over my body. I developed a style of long black jeans, long sleeved black t-shirts, black hoodies, and combat boots. Oh yeah, I hadn't spoken ever since I woke up in the hospital that day when I was six years old. I was taught to read and write. It was difficult though. I learned sign language. I remember my first day at Forks Middle school.

Flashback.

_"Everybody, this is Alexandra Parker." The teacher said. I raised my head, exposing my scar and everybody gasped. The scar on my face scared many people. _

**Actually, I prefer Alex.**___The teacher didn't understand. She brought in the speech therapist who understood me._

_ "She'd prefer to be called Alex." _

**I can hear, but I don't speak. Like ever.**

"_Alex can hear, but she can't speak." During the day, people tried to get me to speak by jumping out at me. All I did was gasp. I couldn't laugh, scream, or anything. Not that I would even come close to smiling._

End of flashback.

I was the girl with all of the scars. I was also labeled as emo. I had hair that was just light brown because I always kept my hood up. I was also pale because I covered every inch of skin when possible. I was given special permission to keep my hood up and wear long pants and my hoodie to PE. I was given a tablet to communicate with my fellow students. The only person who ever talked to me to be nice was Angela Weber. She sat down at the table that usually only I sat at. She knew sign language. I talked to her about where I had come from. Well, if I ever say talked, I mean through sign language or through typing on my tablet.

Later that day, I could hear Jessica Stanley ask Angela what was wrong with me. I cried. I knew that I couldn't trust anybody. All they would want to know is what was wrong with me. I only talked to my teachers. The guidance counselor kept calling me into her office. Yeah right, like I would tell a shrink about why I can't have kids, or why I don't talk or why I have all of these scars all over me. The chief of police even took me out of class once to ask me about my scars. I just looked up and gave him full view of my largest scar. His eyes widened. I told him that when I was six years old, my house was broken into and the person had a knife. That my parents and siblings didn't make it out. I was never taken out of class again. The night before the first day of ninth grade, I was taken to a mental hospital in Seattle because I had a mental breakdown. I stayed there for a month. I was given another week to recover at home.

When I was allowed to go to school, I wasn't behind because I was sent the assignments over email. I did them just for something to do. There was an oral report, but I did it as I would normally do it. I just sent in a paper.

When I got back, Lauren Mallory loudly asked me how the loony house was in the cafeteria. There was a table of new students that gasped at my sign language. I typed it out on my Tablet for Lauren to see. I told her to go fuck herself, bitch. I wasn't popular; I never would be. I didn't have friends. So that didn't matter.

During lunch, I picked around the chicken in my salad because I was a vegetarian. I didn't drink sodas because I knew that I would burp and draw unwanted attention. I looked at the new people. From what I heard, they were the Cullens. They were the foster kids of Dr. Cullen and his wife. The blonde girl was Rosalie Hale and the blonde guy was Jasper Hale. I grew a lump in my throat when I learned that they were twins. The big dark haired guy was Emmett and he was dating Rosalie. I didn't care while others thought it weird. The small dark haired girl was Alice who was with Jasper. Edward was the one with the bronze hair. He was the only single one. Girls and guys went crazy over that. I didn't give a shit. My family was dead all because of me, and I'm supposed to care about a new family in town with a kid who was single. I passed them as I threw away my trash. They were all deathly pale and had yellow eyes. I raised an eyebrow.

"Hey mute girl, why don't you go make more scars!" A girl yelled at me. She was wearing enough makeup to cover Mount Rushmore twice over. I walked up to her and pulled down my hood. I looked her dead in the eyes. She screamed and ran away. I nodded once to show that I was satisfied. I went back to my table to get my backpack. It wasn't there. I looked around franticly. I finally looked in the trash and pulled it out. I pulled a poker face and looked at everyone who laughed at me. I walked out of the room. I noticed that only the Cullens didn't laugh. I sat down in a corner and cried.

That year, I noticed that the Cullens took subtle ways to be nice. If I was tripped, I was helped up by one of them. If someone made fun of my scars or the fact that I was mute, they would all shake their heads.

By junior year, I had been helped by one of them at least three times. Only one time for Rosalie, because Emmett was usually the one to do it instead. I noticed Edward usually sat with his back to me. Alice usually faced me. On the first day of junior year, I signed a quick thank you. Alice smiled. I ran out quickly. That day, I was cornered by Lauren and Jessica who asked me rudely how I was doing it.

"I bet they feel sorry for her!" Lauren decided. I tried to get away, but they wouldn't let me. When the bell rang, I was pushed to the ground. I was almost late to biology.

**Sorry I'm late.**

"You aren't late. Now, who understands sign language?" Edward and Angela raised their hands. "Alexandra Parker, you will be sitting with Edward Cullen." The table that was smack in the middle of the room.

**I'd rather you call me Alex. **

"Okay, Alex." I sat down and placed my books on the desk. I put my tablet on the table and set it up. Edward was staring at me intently.

**Is there something on my face? Wait, don't answer that. Please don't stare at it too much.**

"Sorry Alex." He turned away. Other people kept staring at me.

"Alex, please remove the hood." Mr. Banner was obviously new to this school as a teacher. I stood up and walked over to him. I looked up. He saw the scar. "I see. But please tie your hair back and keep your hood off. This is biology." I went back to my seat and took hair elastic out and braided a braid that was on my left side. It drew attention away from my scar. People kept staring though. _**Huh. I guess this is more hell for me. I deserve it though. **_I swore that I almost heard Edward Cullen chuckle.

**A/N: What do you think? I felt like writing a darker story.**


	2. Chapter 2

Edward

The first time I saw Alexandra Parker was in Algebra II, in ninth grade. She walked in with her head down. She was wearing black jeans, a black combat boots, and a black hoodie with the hood over her head. I could see brown hair spilling out. It was more dirty blonde than brown. She had her hands in her pockets. She walked up to Mr. Varner and started using sign language. I couldn't really hear her thoughts that well. I just knew what she was thinking. She was told to sit in the back of the classroom. She was glad. I caught a glimpse of her face. There was a gruesome scar on the left side of her face. From what I could see, it went from under her left eye, under her jaw, and down under her hoodie. Not once did the teacher ask her to remove her hood. She could hear, but she had to use sign language. When she raised her hand, the teacher looked at her Tablet. She always got the answer right.

During lunch, Jasper puked the emotions over onto us. There was grief, self-loathing, and guilt.

"Jazz, where's that coming from?" Alice asked. We had been at school for five weeks and he hadn't unintentionally projected that much emotion.

"From her." Jasper pointed at Alexandra Parker. She was sitting alone with her hood up. Just then, Lauren Mallory walked up to her and asked her loudly how the loony house was. Alexandra stood up and signed something vulgar. My siblings and I all gasped. She took out her tablet and typed something. She showed it to Lauren. Alexandra bought a chicken salad and ate around the chicken.

"That's Alexandra Parker." I told them so quietly and low that no human could hear it. "She is mute and was in the mental hospital until a week ago." Alice frowned. Jasper wrapped his arm around her. Alice had a vision of Alex being humiliated in PE.

"We can't let that happen." Alice decided. "What's going on in her head?" The last part was directed at me.

"I can't really hear her thoughts. It's more like I just know what she's thinking." I explained. "She is really sad. It's because of Jasper and Rosalie."

"What did we do to her?" Rosalie asked.

"It's because you two are presented as twins. It reminds her of her brother, Aaron. He was her twin brother." I explained.

"What do you mean 'was'?" Jasper asked.

"He died." I said. I strained to get more, but she started thinking about other things. She passed us as she threw her trash away. She raised an eyebrow.

"Hey mute girl, why don't you go make more scars?" A girl called out loudly. The girl had way too much make-up on. Alexandra turned to the girl and walked in the girl's direction. She pulled down her hood. The scar I saw started on her forehead and went over her left eye and went under her hoodie. Rosalie gasped. Alexandra had other, smaller scars too. She looked at the girl dead in the eyes. The girl screamed and ran away. Alexandra nodded once to show her satisfaction. She went back to her table. She was looking for her backpack, but it wasn't there. She began to franticly look for it. When she finally found it, it was in the garbage.

She pulled it out. Alexandra was totally poker face. She left the cafeteria. I heard her start crying somewhere in the school. I could only hear the tears and sniffling. She didn't use her vocal chords at all. And it was by choice.

"We need to help her." I decided. My siblings agreed. So, whenever somebody pushed her down, one of us always helped her up. If anybody made fun of her, we would shake our heads.

None of us knew why, but Alexandra was never happy. Of course she's not going to be happy if her brother died, but she had no friends and she never smiled. I told Carlisle and Esme about her. HE said that if Alexandra came into the hospital, he would check her scars and her vocal chords. On the first day of eleventh grade, I found out that she had Math, English, Biology, and Gym with me. She took sign language instead of any foreign language. During lunch, she signed a quick thank you at us. Her depression wasn't as bad anymore. It was still bad, but we didn't have to suffer as much anymore.

I sat down at my seat for biology. I was too early. People chose seats. I knew where I was supposed to sit for the rest of the year, so I sat there. Mr. Banner started talking about what we would be learning and how all girls with long hair needed to tie it back and wear closed toed shoes.

**Sorry I'm late. **Alexandra signed coming in.

"You aren't late. Now, who understands sign language?" Mr. Banner asked. I, along with Angela Weber raised my hand. "Alexandra Parker, you will be sitting with Edward Cullen." She didn't want to sit in the middle of the room.

**I'd rather you call me Alex. **

"Okay, Alex." Alex placed her books on the table. She sat down and started setting up her Tablet. I was watching her. The scar was hidden by her hair and hood. That was the point of it, according to Alex.

**Is there something on my face? Wait, don't answer that. Please don't stare at it too much.**

"Sorry Alex." I looked away. Others kept looking at her.

"Alex, please remove the hood." Mr. Banner called out. Alex got up and walked over to him, her head down. When she got to her destination, she looked up. He flinched slightly. "I see. But please tie your hair back and keep your hood off. This is biology." He meant that everybody should want to study it. She pulled her hair into a left side braid. She was trying to draw attention away from her scar. It didn't work. _**Huh. I guess this is more hell for me. I deserve it though. **_She thought. She was focusing on her older sister's voice and thinking using it. I chuckled at her thoughts.

We both thought that our lives were purgatory. She used purgatory when she was being optimistic. I looked at her scar out of the corner of my eye. It wasn't too bad, but it was clearly from a really deep cut. The other ones weren't as bad. There was one along her right cheekbone. She moved her arm and her sleeve was accidentally pushed up. I saw more scars. There was one on the top of her arm. Alex realized that her sleeve was pushed up, so she fixed it. She blushed a bit.

After school, I watched her walk home. Alex had great posture, except for the fact that her head was bowed. I drove my siblings home. I called the social services.

Then next day, Alex came to class late. We had to do a group project with our table partner.

**Why don't we meet in the school library? **

"That's a good idea. How about today after school?"

**That's fine with me. I hate my life. Oops, can you pretend that you didn't see that?**

"Alex, why would you hate your life?" I asked my eyebrows forming one line.

**I have no family, I can't speak, and all of that's my fault.**

"How would that be your fault?" I was speaking quietly, but seriously.

**Look, I don't know you that well. You don't know me. I prefer that nobody knows the true me. I just want a job when I'm older. One where nobody has to see me, and where I don't have to speak.**

"Alex, I want to help you. My father works at the hospital. He can help you." I said evenly.

**I'm beyond a hospital's help. All you need to know is that I have been like this since I was six years old. No hospital, shrink, or person can help me. I just want my family. Or somebody who doesn't feel sorry for me or thinks that I'm ugly. Neither will happen. It's all the same to me. **Alex took the braid from her hair because the bell would ring any second. She put up her hood; put away her tablet and books in about thirty seconds.

I sighed. She refused to be helped. I darted over to Emmett and I told him what Alex told me.

"I want to help her for some strange reason." I explained. "I just want her to be happy. I've never seen her even look happy."

"Look, Rose thinks that she might have had a bad experience when she was a little kid." Emmett said back.

"I thought that was already established." I grumbled. I'll ask Alice for her ideas." I smelled Alex outside. I sat up strait. She walked over to Mrs. Goff. She handed her a note.

**My teacher said that I'm ready to learn Spanish sign language. I was told that you can point me to a good teacher.**

"Of course Alexandra." Mrs. Goff wrote down a list of names on a piece of paper.

**Thank you.** Alex left. I noticed how she didn't like to spell out names. I listened patiently to the lesson. I was superior to Mrs. Goff in the Spanish language, but I wanted to be respectful.

"There's not much you can do to help Alex." Alice said as I walked to the school library. I saw her setting up her tablet in a corner. Her back was to everybody else. "Anyway, can I drive everybody home? Rosalie will be too busy verbally teasing Emmett to keep the car safe. Anyway, she might be doing it on purpose just to get to fix it." I rolled my eyes as she followed me to the table Alex was at.

"Fine, you can drive." I groaned tossing her the keys. "Hi Alex. This is my sister Alice."

"Nice to meet you." Alice held her hand out for a handshake. Alex ignored it.

**Hello Alice. **Alex went back to her tablet. Alice shrugged and danced off.

"Sorry about the pixie brat. She's my only little sister. I can't help it." I joked.

**Excuse me a moment. **Alex hurried to the bathroom. I heard crying for a minute and then it stopped. Alex came back.

I silently vowed to help her if it was the last thing I did.

**A/N: What do you think? I need some constructive criticism or praise. Just review. I don't own twilight. I only own Alex.**


	3. Chapter 3

Alex

I just wanted to be left alone. Edward kept pressing to know more about me. I ignored him for months. When January rolled around, I turned seventeen on the twelfth. I only got enough money to let me buy a used car. It was a black Camry with tinted windows. All I was looking for was a cheap car with tinted windows. The front windshield was also tinted. That meant that nobody could really see me as well as if it wasn't tinted. I had taken a driving test. I had a license. I was thankful. I drove in with my car. I got out took out my backpack. I hadn't eaten that morning yet. I locked my car and sat peacefully eating a Cliff bar on the trunk listening to my music on my tablet. I was wearing a black parka with a huge black hood. I noticed Edward staring at me from like sixty feet away. I had my ear buds in so I didn't hear the screech of breaks not working on the ice. I put my tablet away and then saw a van speeding towards me.

I silently screamed and slipped on the ice. I felt to the ground. _**I guess this is how I'm going to die. Crushed by a van. Izzie, Mama, Aaron, Daddy; here I come.**_ Suddenly I was shoved under my car. I was held there by a hand. I hit my lip on some ice. Edward held the van away from me. With his bare hand. I blinked and there was a dent.

My hands were pinned under me. Edward helped me out. I stood up and grabbed my cell phone.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked. I handed him my phone to hold.

**Texting 911. I was given the ability to do so.** I took my cell phone back as the ambulance cam wailing to us. I stepped back.

"What's wrong?" He asked grabbing my wrist. I gasped and tried to twist my wrist away, but he held on. His hand was freezing.

**I don't like hospitals or ambulances. **I did my best to sign with his hand holding my wrist. The paramedics asked me if I was okay. Edward let go of my wrist and started talking to somebody.

**I'm fine.**

"Are you okay?" One asked. "Did you hit your head? Oh, look at that scar. We should take you in." They tried to lead me to a gurney, but I threw up. I realized that I tasted blood. I puked even more. I was dry heaving when I felt someone holding my hair.

"Alexandra is mute. She was using sign language." Edward explained. The only thing that happened was she cut her lip on some ice. I tasted more blood. I puked again when I didn't think that I could puke anymore. "Alex, you are going to be riding in the ambulance. You won't have to go on the gurney." I nodded thankfully. I took a tissue out of my pocket and held it to my lip while I pulled my hood over my head. Edward helped me in. I took shaky breaths all the way to the hospital.

**My tablet! I need it to communicate with people who don't understand sign language. **I realized.

"Alex, my siblings will take care of your belongings. Don't worry." I let myself be led to a hospital bed. I reluctantly took off my parka. I sat there swinging my legs. I recognized Tyler Crowley lying on the hospital bed next to mine. I bowed my head and arranged my hair so nobody could see my scar. A nurse gasped when she saw me. I frowned and kept my head down. Edward was somewhere around the hospital. I noticed that there was a bit of ice in my hair. I pulled it out.

"Hello Alexandra." A blonde doctor sat down on a chair in front of me. He too was pale and had yellow eyes. "I'm Dr. Cullen."

**I actually prefer to be called Alex. **

"Sorry, Alex." I was surprised that he understood me.

**You understand sign language?**

"I find it helps to know several languages when you are a doctor." I nodded. "So, did you hit your head?"

**No, but I did cut my lip. It's fine now. **

"That's good. Please describe what happened."

**I was sitting at my car eating my breakfast. I put my stuff away, and then I saw the van come speeding towards me. I couldn't scream out loud, so I had to do it silently. I slipped and fell on the ground. I was wearing my parka so it was a soft landing. I was getting ready to be killed by the van, but then I was pushed under my car by Edward. **I had to spell out his name. I don't really enjoy spelling peoples' names out. **He didn't get under it with me, but he held me under it. I hit my lip on some ice. Then he helped me out. A couple minutes later, I threw up about three times because I tasted the blood on my lip. I throw up whenever I see or taste blood.**

"Why is that?" Dr. Cullen looked into my eyes, not looking at my scar.

**The same reason I have these scar, the same reason why I don't talk and the same reason I'm alone in this world. I really don't want to talk about what happened when I was six years old. That's it.**

"It looks like you're fine. May I look at your vocal chords?" I nodded. I opened my mouth. Hel looked for a few minutes. "How long have l you refrained from speaking?"

**Eleven years. I know I will never speak again. I have tried so many times. I can't laugh, scream, sing, or even cry like everyone else. ** Tears were running down my cheeks. **You don't know how hard it is for me to not be able to speak and to have all of these scars. **There was silence except for my crying. I pulled my knees to my chest. My jeans were of course black and didn't show my tearstains. **Nobody can help me. Believe me; I spent seven years in a mental hospital. **

I buried my face in my legs. I wasn't disturbed. It was my safe little haven. When I was finally told that I could go, I put on my parka and pulled the hood over my face. I walked back to the school. My keys were in my pocket, luckily. My combat boots were great for walking around on the ice. I remembered my tablet and backpack. I had my cell phone with me, but everything else was in my backpack. I got in my car and drove away.

I parked my car at the side of the road on the outskirts of the town. I climbed a tree and felt the wind push my hood away. My hair was free in the wind.

"I can help you ya know." I silently screamed as I nearly fell out of the tree. Alice helped me back on the tree.

**Help me, how? The only thing we have in common is that we are both alive.**

"No, I have more in common with you than you might think." I climbed down. "No, really. Both of our parents are dead. We both know what it's like inside a mental hospital."

**I lived in one for seven years. I basically killed my own parents and siblings. You seriously don't want to know me. **I pulled my hood back on.

"No, Alex, I do want to know you. I want to know why you don't speak. I want to know why you have those scars. I also want to be your friend." Alice grabbed my shoulder.

**One night when I was six years old, my family was murdered. I escaped with roughly twenty-five scars. I should have died that night. Eleven years ago. I wish I could have died today. I'm just sick of having nothing to live for.**

"All you need is a friend. A true friend." Alice looked me in the eyes. "I want to be that friend. Please, let me try." I paused for a moment. I nodded. Alice hugged me. I wasn't used to people hugging me. I stood still. "Just hug back." I lifted my arms and joined them behind her back. It was still strange to hug and be hugged, but I was going to try to get used to it. I pulled back to talk to her.

**Thank you. I'll try to come up with a way to show your name based on your personality.**

"Really? Thanks. By the way, I need to give you your stuff back." She handed me my backpack. I put it on my back. Then I had an idea.

**I have your name in ASL. **I formed both of my hands into the letter A and did the movement for pixie. Alice laughed.

"I love it!" Alice said escorting me to my car. "Where did you come up with that?"

I sighed and typed it out on my tablet because I hated spelling out names. **Edward described you as a pixie brat. I wouldn't add brat to it because that's mean. **

"That's actually how all of my siblings would describe me." I raised an eyebrow. "It's true." I shrugged. "You know, I've never had a friend who was mute. It's a bit more convenient than you being deaf." I nodded in understanding.

**I chose to not speak. My last word was no. That was my reaction to being told that my parents and siblings were dead. As soon as I healed, I was sent to live in a mental hospital. Do you need a ride?**

"No, but I want to talk to you some more. Tell me more about yourself." I hesitated and then decided.

**I had both of my parents, my twin brother and my older sister. My brother was Aaron. I do have a way to say his name, but I thought that I should spell it out for you. My older sister was named Isabelle, but my brother and I called her Izzie. If you really want to see them, I have tapes. **

"Alex, there's more to it. I know there is." Alice said as I got inside my car to get warm.

**Fine. Eleven years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a person with a knife. I yelled for my mother and the person killed my family then tried to kill me. I was saved. None of which would have ever happened if not for me. **

"Alex, I know you are still hiding something. You don't have to tell me right away, but I do want to know everything one day." Alice said gently.

**Alice, you may just be the person to make me smile for the first time in eleven years.**

"You haven't smiled in eleven YEARS?!" I nodded.

**You don't tend to smile much if you are the reason your parents and siblings are dead, you can't speak, people hate you just because you have a giant scar on your face, and you can't have- never mind.**

** "**What is it?" Alice asked when I started to cry.

**That night, I was raped. Now I can't have children. The man took a knife to my skin. The only thing on my bucket list is to graduate high school. I would have probably gone around the country and done some sightseeing before going to my family's graves. I would probably lie across the graves and write on a piece paper that I commit suicide. And then I would have stabbed myself. But now that I have a friend, I might actually have something to live for. **

"Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, sorry." She hugged me again. This time it didn't feel so weird.

**Why is your skin so hard and cold? Jeez, it's a good thing I wear long sleeves all the time.**

"So, why do you always wear long pants and long sleeves?" In response, I took off my parka and rolled up my sleeves. She saw some of the scars. I moved my hair so that she could see the scar on my face better. I traced it and showed her that it went to my collar bone. "You have more scars?" I nodded.

**On my legs, private parts, arms, neck, face stomach and back.**

** "**I am so sorry." She hugged me. Then, I knew what it means to be a friend.

**A/N: I don't pretend to know sign language, but I have a dictionary online. This is not in any way based off my life. This is something I came up with.**


	4. Chapter 4

Alex

It was total bliss, having a friend for the first time in eleven years. She understood sign language perfectly and could intimidate anybody who poked fun at me. She was always there for me. One night, I swore I saw Edward sitting outside my window. I would have gotten the shotgun if I'd had one. She told me that it did seem creepy.

We were going to go to Port Angeles so we could see which colors I looked best in. She was set on me going to prom even if I didn't have a date. Alice knew that I didn't like anybody seeing my scars, but she told me that I was hiding my beauty underneath my hair and long pants and sleeves.

**Alice, I know that you think that I will get a date to prom, but no guy will ever see what you claim I'm hiding.**

"That's why we're going to get you some other clothes and I'm going to teach you how to do your hair so that you will look amazing." Alice said walking with me to class. She blew a kiss to Jasper. We hadn't really met, but he was nice to me compared to the guys at school.

**I'm serious Alice. Most guys terrify me. Most are strong and don't use their strength to protect you. No, they use it to hurt you. **

"It was just one guy Alex. There's no need to be afraid of all of them." Alice said groaning.

**Think about all of the rapists and murderers. Most of them are men. It's because of a man that I start puking uncontrollably if I see, smell, or taste blood and throw up when we are learning about the male reproductive system.**

"Look, I'll take care of you. Please, just come to Port Angeles with me!" Suddenly I was feeling agreeable.

**Fine, but I don't want to do it tonight. How about tomorrow?**

"I knew you'd come around. Bye!" I wondered why I decided to go with her to Port Angeles so suddenly.

The next day, I finished my homework at school because I spent lunch in the library working. People began to stare at me because Alice and I were friends. I still hadn't smiled yet, but Alice made me reconsider my plans for the future. So we were in her Porsche going to clothing stores. I looked out the window and saw a familiar Volvo in the mirror. I frowned.

"Something wrong?" Alice asked.

**No, I was just thinking.**

"When was the last time you had a friend?"

**I don't remember any friends. But I do remember playing Barbies with someone. I should probably suck it up and watch this box of tapes that I have. **

"Alex, you don't have to. You are strong, but I don't know if you can take watching tapes from your childhood." She was pretty observant.

**Yeah, I know. Life hasn't really been the best to me. I would give anything to just have a broken family at least. Now, all I have when school ends is my choices. I will probably go to college and major in music and art. Those are ways for me to express myself without having to speak.**

"You changed your mind on the suicide over your family grave thing?" Alice asked.

**Not really, I just postponed it.**

"Oh ha ha ha." Alice said sarcastically. "You know what, you look really pretty in black. Let's try it." She pulled into a parking space in front of a dress shop. She dragged me inside and yanked my hood down. My light brown hair tumbled out. Eyes widened at the sight of my scars. I looked in the mirror while Alice looked at which colors looked best on me. I noticed that I had a new scar on my lip. I raised an eyebrow.

**Alice, please, can we go with the long sleeved black dress? It'll cover my ankles, back, and legs. **

"It can be long sleeved and short or long and short sleeved." I sighed.

**Fine, long sleeved with a short skirt. **Alice held up a black dress with a skater skirt that would only go three quarters of the way down my thighs. It was basically a strapless dress with lace that served as sleeves and covered me to the point where it wasn't as bad as the dress that Alice originally picked out. **Okay, that one. But I have to go next door for a minute. I need a book on Spanish sign language.**

"Hurry back. We have to pick out shoes next." I rolled my eyes. I got into the store well enough and got my book with no problem whatsoever. Then, someone covered my mouth and dragged me away. I was thrown over someone's shoulder with my ass in the air.

"Scream and we kill you right now." A voice growled. I wanted to laugh. _**Yeah right. Like I can talk or moan, much less scream.**_I was dumped in an alley. There were about five guys surrounding me.

"Why'd you get an ugly one?" asked one guy.

"She was alone and she's most likely to be a virgin. Don't you love virgins?" another said.

**Guess what boys? I'm in no way a virgin. Also, I can't scream.**

"What's she saying?"

"She's using ASL. She said that's she's not a virgin and she can't scream."

"Not much fun there."

"But she will be fun." My jacket was yanked off of me. I tried to scare them with my scar. No such luck.

"Get away from her." My head turned to the familiar voice. "Are you okay Alex?" I nodded as Edward helped me up. He handed me my jacket. It was wet from being in a puddle. He placed a hand on the small of my back. I flinched away. He moved his hand to my elbow and guided me to his Volvo. Edward opened the door for me. I got in and fastened my seatbelt. "Did they hurt you?" Again I shook my head.

**Being raped doesn't scare me. Neither does my death. There are other things that scare me though. I don't have a fear of clowns, heights, spiders, snakes, or even death. I don't have normal fears.**

"You don't know the vile, repulsive things they were thinking." I wanted to laugh.

**I really do. Let's just say that I didn't exactly have a happy childhood. Now, can you take me back to Alice? She's probably worried. I can't exactly scream when I'm in danger. Also, I left my tablet in my room.**

"Are you sure you're okay?" Wow, the buffoon carried me further than I thought.

**If I was fine after this scar, I'm probably fine now. **I was referring to the scar on my face.

"Did you eat yet?" _**Hmm… the only food places in walking distance mostly had meat on the menu. I'm a vegetarian too, so no. **_I shook my head. I scooted my seat as far away from him as possible. I wasn't taking any chances because my worst fear was letting a man get close to me and then him leaving me.

Edward pulled up in front of the store where Alice was. She was standing in front of the store looking frantic. I got out and went up to her.

"Alex, I'm so glad you're okay!" She hugged me. I shivered because my jacket was wet and no way was I putting it on. It would get my shirt and bra wet. Bras took forever to dry. I pulled back.

**With my childhood, I'm pretty good in a crisis. I'm fine. The mental hospital wasn't exactly crisis free.**

"Wait, what mental hospital?" Edward gripped my shoulder and turned me to face him. I tried to step away. He was too strong.

**None of your business. Please let go. **He did as I asked. I stepped away, slightly nervous.

"Alex, why don't you come and choose your shoes with me." Alice guided me inside by the small of my back. I let her. I was distracted and nervous. "Alex, Edward didn't mean to scare you, he has been just furious at the way you were nearly taken advantage of. That kind of thing irks him." I nodded.

**Don't worry about me. Being raped doesn't scare me. You know that.**

"What do you think about these wedges?" I almost smiled. I nodded. I could walk in them and they were black with ankle strap. I wasn't really graceful, but I was practically raised in a mental hospital. You didn't see the most graceful people in a mental hospital. Alice drove me home. "Alex, why does your own death not scare you?"

**I should have died eleven years ago. Heaven or hell, my crime will be justified. I'm stuck in purgatory. Well, I might be in hell, but you wouldn't be here so let's just call it purgatory.**

"I think you need to go home." In the car I was listening to the pop station while playing on my phone. I found an app that would come in handy so I bought it.

"Hey Alice, I bought a really cool app." The App allowed me to text what I wanted to say and then said it out loud for me. It sounded really bland, but it was great.

"Alex, finally! If you didn't find that app soon, I was going to pick pocket your phone and buy it for you!" Alice dropped me off. I stuck my tongue out and grabbed my stuff.

The next day, my backpack broke so I had to grab a tote bag that didn't have enough room for all of my stuff. I had to carry at least one of my text books. I was preoccupied with my new app, so it startled me when Emmett jumped out at me. I silently screamed and dropped my phone. I whacked him on the head with my textbook. I stumbled back and fell down on my ass.

"Hey, she's tougher than we gave her credit for." Emmett commented. "Jazz-man, here is ten bucks." I raised an eyebrow and whacked each of them in turn on the top of the head with my textbook. I heard laughing behind me. I turned. Alice and Rosalie were cracking up. I scooped up my cell phone.

"Unfortunately, your little bet backfired." Rosalie said snickering. Then, for the first time in eleven years, I smiled. It hurt a bit, but I liked the feeling.

"Alex, you're smiling!" Alice squealed. I nodded. "For the first time in eleven years too." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward watching wistfully.

**A/N: I still don't own twilight, but I do own Alex. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! **


	5. Chapter 5

Edward

Alex got acquainted with Emmett and Rosalie. Alice knew what was going to happen the whole time but she didn't know that Alex would smile for the first time. Emmett and Jasper instantly took a liking to Alex. They were like big brothers to her.

One day, I saw Alex at the side of the road with the hood of the car up. She bent over it and she was getting more and more frustrated by the second. She pulled out of it and she was covered in oil. Alex picked up a rock and threw it at a tree.

"Pull over." Rosalie said surprising us. She got out and went over to Alex. Over the next half hour, she helped Alex get the car going. Alex hugged Rosalie. To our surprise, Rosalie smiled. She made her way back to the car and got back in.

"Rose, what's up?" Emmett asked.

"She can't call road side service for obvious reasons and no human would help her just because she looks the way she does. Also, I know how she feels." Rosalie quietly.

"You got oil on your jacket." Alice pointed out. Rosalie shrugged and watched as Alex drove away. "Edward, you need to be more careful when watching her sleep. She caught you more than once and she has been through enough in her life without freaking out over some guy watching her while she sleeps."

"Alex has learned a few things in being sneaky, hasn't she?" I muttered. Emmett laughed.

"The girl has guts too." Emmett said loudly. "When I jumped out at her, she didn't hesitate in smacking me on my head with the textbook she was carrying." Jasper laughed too.

"She just brought that thing down on our heads with all of her strength." Jasper commented.

"That's what you get when you try to scare Alex. She almost had a heart attack." Alice joked.

"Alex has that awesome scar on her face. She can scare others easily. So cool." Emmett said grinning.

"Alex doesn't like her scar." Alice piped up. I nodded thinking about how sexy it was… Wait, I was losing it. She was just a girl from school. "Edward, don't resist. I can see you two kissing. And her as one of us." My eyes widened.

"Aw, Eddie's going to finally get a girl!" Emmett teased. I rolled my eyes.

Alex

I swear, I should record what goes on in my room with my laptop. I know, I have a lot of things, but they are mainly for communication.

Guess what my foster mother got me? She got me a necklace that tells people that I can't speak. It's kind of like a dog tag, but it may come in handy.

I looked outside. It had been about a month since Rosalie helped me with my car. I couldn't see the stars. I sighed wistfully. I found a path for me to be able to climb on the roof to a place where I could lay in it and look at the sky. I opened the window. It was raining; no surprise there. I stepped on the windowsill and poked my head outside. I kept one hand inside. I stood there feeling the rain on my face. I smiled and closed my eyes. It felt good. It was a thunder storm. I looked around the area. I swore I saw a baseball fly up in the air. I blinked and shook my head. I slipped and silently screamed. I fell to what looked like my death but I was caught by a pair of arms.

"Are you okay?" I looked up and met a pair of dark brown eyes. I shrugged as I was let down. I was wearing black leggings with a black T-shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra. I immediately crossed my arms over my chest. "Are you?"

**I'll be fine. What's your name? **I asked awkwardly because my arms were crossed over my chest.

"Are you using sign language? Sorry, but I don't understand ASL." I held up my index finger. "You need a minute?" I nodded. I went inside, put a bra on, put on my shoes, and grabbed my phone. I went back outside and turned on my speaker app.

"My name is Alex Parker." The speaker said for me. "What's yours?"

"I'm Jacob Black. What happened to your face?" He said tracing my scar with his fingertip. I flinched away from the physical contact.

"As you've probably guessed, I can't speak." I texted.

"What happened to make you unable to speak?" Jacob asked pushing some of my hair out of my face.

"I chose not to eleven years ago. Haven't spoken a word or used my vocal chords since." I looked up at his face. He was clearly from La Push.

"You're pretty." My eyes widened and I dropped my phone. He picked it up for me and handed it to me. Our fingers touched. I yanked my hand away with my phone in it. He kissed the top of my head and I ran inside. I flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, trying not to panic. My foster parents came in just then.

"Alex, we have to go away for a week." My foster dad said placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded. They worked for social services and had to go away often. I loved choreographing dances to pop songs so I could work on that. I nodded. They left within the hour. I decided to take a nice long shower just for fun.

I was washing my hair and the suds were running down my body when someone banged on the bathroom door. The bathroom had two doors. The first door led to the two sinks on the counter. Then the other door led to the shower/tub and the toilet. I locked the inner door because I didn't like people to see my scars all over my body. I rinsed out my hair and added conditioner. When I was done, I turned off the shower and dried off in about thirty seconds. I grabbed my clothes and put them on as the outer door splintered and I jumped behind the shower curtain. I grabbed my cell phone and texted the police station. Then, the inner door exploded and the shower curtain was yanked away. I gasped. It couldn't be him.

He had long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and his skin was deathly pale. His eyes were red. I pressed my back against the wall, not caring that I was getting the back of my black tank top wet. I hiked up my black yoga pants. I was getting ready to fight. He was the one who killed my parents and siblings. I loathed him. I was also terrified of him.

He grabbed me by my hair. He pulled me closer.

"Hello again, little girl. I didn't finish with you when I was still human." He lifted me off the ground by my hair. It hurt like hell. "What, aren't you going to scream?" I struggled to get all five feet and eight inches of me back on the ground. I kicked him in the groin. "That doesn't hurt me. Let's see if you are still as tight as you were when you were six." He dragged me to the hallway and shoved me on my back. I closed my eyes just wanting it to be done. Then, I wasn't on the floor anymore. I was held against a hard and cold chest with a pair of cold arms. I opened my eyes.

"Alex, do you trust us?" Alice asked from next to me. I nodded. "Good." Then I realized that the scars on my arms were clearly visible. I blushed.

"There's no need to be ashamed." Edward said letting go of me. "Come on Alice. He got away." Alice grabbed my hand and a hoodie. She gave it to me and I pulled it on. She led me outside.

"Alex, you have to trust us with your life. We'll explain everything soon, okay?" I nodded grabbing my tablet. "Get on Edward's back." I pulled on my combat boots and did as I was told.

"Close your eyes." Edward murmured. I did so. I felt a slight wind then Edward let me back on the ground. I opened my eyes. We were in front of a beautiful white Victorian house.

**Could someone explain a few things to me? **I asked. **I was nearly raped to death by my childhood rapist and family's murderer. He's supposed to be dead, or in prison, or something.**

"First off Alex, we're vampires." Alice said.

**Yeah right, I bet you've been watching too much supernatural crap. The weird contacts are enough.**

When I am having trouble processing things, I kind of go in denial. It's not the best, but it's better than when I used to curl up into a ball in the nearest corner and refuse to budge.

"Alex, you have to believe us." Edward said lifting up my chin. "Your life depends on it." I looked into his gold eyes with my gray-green eyes. I got this sudden urge to kiss him. He leaned in too.

_**Alex get a grip on yourself girl! Men don't use their strength to protect you, they hurt you. Remember what happened to you about two minutes ago? You can't fall in love. Once he gets in your pants, he'll leave you. That's just how men are.**_

Edward must have sensed that I was nervous. He kissed my forehead instead. I surprised myself by not flinching away.

**I believe you guys and trust that you won't kill me. You guys are way too nice for that.**

"Alex, we promise that neither us or our family will kill you. We drink the blood of animals and as an inside joke, we call ourselves vegetarians." Alice said squeezing my shoulder. I nodded once. I noticed that I was chewing on the inside of my cheek. I immediately stopped, not wanting to start bleeding and then throw up.

Too late. I tasted blood and puked up my lunch. Luckily, me being vegetarian kept it from looking too gross. Well, it did look disgusting, but it wasn't as bad as if I had eaten a hamburger. The thing is, I love ketchup. Back to the story, anyway, I was dry heaving and I saw red in my vomit. That just made me puke even more. Alice held my hair and kept me steady. I stood back up and took a shaky breath. She handed me a Kleenex. I held it against the inside of my bleeding cheek.

"Wow." Alice said. "That was nasty."

**Welcome to my world. It happens every time I see, smell, or taste blood.**

"You know what blood smells and tastes like?" Alice asked.

**Don't even ask.**

"Was that the night…" I nodded. _**Shit, now I'm stuck with this nasty taste in my mouth.**_

"Alex, you might want to be a little less vulgar." Edward said rubbing circles onto my back.

**Did he just…**

"Read your mind? Yep." Alice said smiling.

**Why is it always me? God, if you're even there, could you give me break just for once? By the way Alice, how are you two supposed to protect me from someone who has murdered at least four people. I mean, he just barely failed to kill me. Do you have some sort of ability to see the future and tell us what James do to try to kill me or something?**

I meant that as a joke, but I hit the bullseye without even trying.

"How did you guess?" She asked smiling.

**Shit, you're serious. **I sighed and sat down on the ground. **I don't know what I did to deserve an amazing friend like you, but I can't accept you trying to save me. This is my battle to fight. I'm sorry. **

With that, I got up and walked into the woods. I didn't care where I would end up, but I would at least keep Alice from danger. biggest mistake I ever made.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex

"Come on Alex, just talk to me." Alice begged. I refused to even look at her. She, Jasper and I were on the way to Oakland, California in Carlisle's Mercedes. "Oh come on, it wasn't that bad."

**Yes it was. You tossed me, a hundred and ten pound, five foot eight girl, over your shoulder like a rag doll, when you're five foot zero, and at the most, ninety pounds.**

That was true. I actually would have preferred it if Edward had done that, because he was a little more than six feet tall, and he obviously weighed more than me, so it would have been logical for him to overpower me. If Alice could have overpowered me, then I wouldn't last a minute with James.

"I'm not five foot zero!" Alice declared. I turned my head and raised an eyebrow. "I'm four foot ten." She said a great deal quieter.

**I'm about twenty pounds heavier than you and ten inches taller. I should be able to overpower you.**

"Yep, she's, my frightening little monster." Jasper said from behind the wheel in the front seat.

**I even took Taekwondo when I was little, played tackle football, and wrestled with my brother. I am such a wimp.**

"Not exactly, I mean, you were suspended in the air by your hair. Not everybody's hair is that strong." Alice put in.

**Yes, because it's a talent for you to be able to have your hair almost rip off your scalp without it actually getting ripped out. By the way, that was sarcasm. **

"Oh ha ha." Alice said rolling her eyes.

"So Alex, exactly where in Oakland are we headed?"Jasper asked. "The bad side, or the good side?"

**I don't exactly remember, but as long as we can get to my old school, I will be able to find where I used to live. I think it was the good side. I do remember walking to a BART station. I think it was the one on Pleasant Hill. **

"That narrows it down enough." Jasper said nodding his head once. I looked out of the window. Alice had taken the liberty of stealing, sorry, borrowing, some of my stuff so that I would have something to wear and toiletries.

"You know Alex, you should wear less black and more colors like blue, magenta, purple, white, pink, green, and gold." Alice said, moving to the back seat with me. "Also, you should show a little more skin." I chuckled without using my vocal chords.

**And show those at school more to laugh at? No thank you. I get enough even when I try to cover all of them.** I was referring to my scars.

"Alex, are you calling yourself ugly?" Alice whispered.

**Their words, not mine.**

Flashback.

_ "I heard that her parents tried to kill her." _

_ "I heard that she tried to commit suicide because she's so ugly and crazy."_

_ "She's psycho."_

_ "She used to be homeless and sold her blood. That's why she has so many scars."_

_ "She attempted suicide because she comes from hell."_

_ "She tried to kill herself because she hates herself for killing her family before they could kill her first because they hated her."_

_ "She gets in fights with her drug dealers."_

_ "She used to live in a mental hospital."_

_ "She tried to kill herself because her family got rid of her."_

_ "She cuts so deep that she has to get stitches."_

_ "She's a whore."_

_ "She's butt-ugly."_

"_She cuts because she's crazy and she also cut her own vocal chords."_

"_She should get over it. Her parents tried to kill her, but she killed them first. It was her decision to kill them first. They hated her. She lived in a mental hospital where she fucked every man she saw. Now she cuts so deeply because she comes from hell. She also buys drugs because she's so ugly and crazy. She'll never be loved or have friends. The ugly bitch should just give up or go back to hell." That one was from Lauren Mallory._

_I buried my face in my black hoodie sleeves and cried in a hidden corner. I wanted out of middle school. Everybody thought that I was crazy. I pulled an anti-depressant out of my pocket and dry swallowed it. Lunch finally ended. The whispers followed me until I got to my new home. I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I splashed water on my reflection. I cried harder._

_I found my bottle of anti-depressants and took two._

_ "She should die."_

_ "She should go back to hell where she belongs."_

_ "She'll never be loved."_

_The whispers followed me. The tears flowed faster. I could barely breathe because I was crying so hard. I didn't know why they hated me so much. I already hated myself enough for all of them. I found a towel and cut it into one long strip. My first week of middle school was a total flop. I turned the long strip into a good noose. I tied it to the ceiling fan as I stood on a chair. I slipped it around my neck as my foster mother walked in. I slipped and fell from on the chair and the noose tightened. I couldn't breathe. _

"_Alex!" My foster mother yelled as she cut it away. Later, I was crying on my bed. "Alex, you have almost your whole life head of you. I know it's hard, but you can make a difference. You can raise awareness. But you have to make it. Look in the mirror and tell me what you see." She handed me a hand mirror. I took it and looked inside. I could see my scars first._

_**A murderer, crazy girl, whore, a hideous demon from hell. **_

"_If you don't see the beauty, look a little closer, look a little longer. What happened wasn't your fault. Alex, if they can't see that scars mean that you've won all of these fights, then they can't see. That rhyme; sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Remember that."_

End of flashback.

People still said that my family tried to make it look like an animal killed me, but I killed them first. They also said that I would never have any friends or anybody that would love me. I knew that I would never speak, but I decided that I wanted to die over the graves of my family. I had a place, next to my brother. It was the furthest from Izzie and my parents, but I deserved it. My gravestone wasn't made yet, but I knew what I wanted to have put on it. I even had it sketched out.

Alexandra "Alex" Nicole Parker

January 12, 1987- , 2006

Aged 18

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be. – The Band Perry

True to the song, I would be wearing white satin. I would kill myself with a knife, never spilling blood on the satin, but it would end up on the grass covering my family's graves. My blood would water it. I hadn't decided on the exact date or month, but it would be after I turned eighteen and graduated high school.

"Alex, I know you're thinking about what you want for your funeral."Alice said placing an arm on my shoulders.

**It's not my fault that you found that sketch when it was in my desk drawer where I hoped that you wouldn't look. I also locked it.**

Jasper started snickering. Alice pulled a bobby pin out of her hair.

"Emmett taught me a few things with a bobby pin." She put it back in.

**Can you pick a lock with your fingernail? **Alice shook her head.

**I'll never say that I never learned anything at the mental hospital I lived in until I was thirteen. I learned things that most people would find useless, but I learned things that most girls will never know.**

"Alex, your life isn't a waste, like you think it is. You are worth life." Alice whispered.

**Have you heard what they said at school before you guys moved here? Probably you have, but you haven't heard what happened on my first Friday going to middle school here.**

"What happened?" Alice asked. I knew that I could trust her with anything.

**Rumors spread. They said that my parents tried to kill me, but that I killed them first. They also said that I'm a whore, crazy bitch, ugly, and that I get in fights with my drug dealers. They said that I should go back to hell or get over the fact that my parents hated me and that I killed them before they could succeed I killing me. They called me a whore and homeless. That I cut so deep that I need stitches every time. I don't know how they found out that I used to live in a mental hospital. They said that I attempted suicide, sold my blood because I was homeless, and that I'll never have friends and I'll never be loved. They said that I cut out my own vocal chords. Nobody could hear me cry because I hadn't spoken in seven years. On that Friday, I'd had enough, so I tried to hang myself from my ceiling fan. I cut a towel into a long strip and turned it into a noose. I hung it from my ceiling fan in my room. Mind you, I had already taken anti-depressants that day. Anyway, I stood on my chair and put the noose around my neck. My foster mother walked in just then and I slipped and fell off of the chair. I couldn't breathe for a minute. My foster mother cut my makeshift noose and l cried my heart out. She told me that no matter what the people at school say, I'm beautiful on the inside to those who see my heart before they see my skin. She also reminded me of that rhyme; sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. She's wrong. The words do hurt, but knowing that I am not the only kid who grew up the way I did, helps me to know that I am not what I am called. Of course the names hurt me and to a certain degree, they aren't wrong. The fact that I can bring myself to peace one day keeps me going. That and the fact that I finally have a friend. **

Alice was dry-sobbing and I had tears running down my cheeks.

"How could they do that to you? How could they be that cruel?" Alice asked as we cried for my past.

"They _were _wrong." Jasper whispered. You could tell that my story moved even him. But I wasn't done.

**That and the guilt of indirectly killing my family keeps me on the edge. Even I question how I am still sane. So you can see why a girl like me can only look forwards to her death.**

"Alex, I didn't know that it was that bad for you." Alice whispered.

**Most people don't know how bad it is being bullied. How hard it is if we even live one year in a mental hospital, much less seven. How hard it is to be mute around so many who don't know sign language. How hard it is to be around those who just say 'Get over it' When they can still go home to Mom and Dad. How hard it is for me to know that people see my skin instead of anything else. I bury myself in schoolwork, writing, reading, and anything that can rescue me. They don't know how hard it is for me to stay drug-free except for anti-depressants. I do take them less frequently now. **

I was tired from putting my energy into telling Alice what I went through.

**I'm tired.**

I fell asleep against her shoulder even though it was cold and hard. My dreams were filled with James doing things to me as people gathered a crowd and laughed, saying those awful things. The hard part was that I couldn't even tell myself that all of them were wrong. Because sometimes the truth hurts more than the rumors spread that aren't true.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex

My hair had been braided and brushed by Alice so many times that it was stuck in the waviness that braids give hair when you un-braid it. I missed sunny California, but I didn't want to be stuck in a freaking hotel. I was drawing maps of the Napa State Hospital for my amusement. I drew in the vent system where I had hidden when I needed to get away from the world. I was always a skinny girl, so I could always fit in the vents, no problem. I doubted that I could have fit in the vent system because now my hips were too wide.

"Wow. You drew that from memory?" Alice asked. "You really have spent too much time in a mental hospital." I shrugged and started drawing my old Taekwondo studio on a new piece of paper. Alice froze when I was half-way done with it.

"Is it a vision?" Jasper asked. Alice nodded. Her eyes were wide, but her eyes told that she wasn't seeing anything. He grabbed a blank piece of paper and placed it in front of her. Jasper handed her the pencil that I had been using. She began drawing.

**Alice, why are you drawing my old Taekwondo studio? **I compared the two. **It's better than mine but I doubt you've ever been there.**

"Alex, that's your old Taekwondo studio?" Jasper asked, comparing the drawings. The pencil was still flying across the paper. Alice was down to the barest details, like the crack in the mirror that apparently they hadn't had replaced. That was my fault. Aaron and I were practicing and he ducked out of the way, and I punched the mirror. Luckily Sensei was understanding.

**Yeah, that crack in the mirror right there, **I pointed to it, **was my fault. Also, those posters are one of a kind. Each year all of his classes work together to make one.**

"It was James. He was in your old Taekwondo studio. Waiting patiently as if you were going to walk right to him." Alice gasped.

**Like that'll ever happen. He has nothing to take from me anymore. He won't be able to lure me there but I wonder… **I pulled my laptop out. It was shiny and black. I turned on and went to Google. I found a map on Google maps. **Ooooh shiitake mushrooms. **

"Oh fuck." Jasper was more blunt when he looked over my shoulder.

"Oh my god Alex, we are so, so, sorry." Alice gasped, looking over my other shoulder. The Taekwondo studio was right across the street.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex

Clap clap, tap tap tap, clap up down. Clap, grab, tap, down, lift, tap, slap, down. Repeat.

If you haven't already guessed what I was doing, it was the cup song. I had just finished my breakfast, and picked up my empty plastic cup and started doing the cup song. Alice and Jasper were on the phone. The TV was on. Shit had hit the fan when I had realized that we were across the street from my old Taekwondo place.

"Alex, Edward wants to talk to you." Alice said handing me the tiny phone. I put the cup down and took the phone.

"Okay Alex, I am so sorry and I'm coming to get you out of there. We lost James." Edward said. "We're going to go someplace safe until James is killed. Tap the nearest object if you are okay with that." I tapped the table. "Good. I'll see you soon." He hung up. I handed the phone back to Alice with a sigh.

**He really cares. Nobody left in the world but you guys would go to so much trouble to make sure that I'm safe.**

"That's because you are part of our family now." Alice sat down next to me.

**Because I have none, right?**

"Even if you did still have a family, we would still be your family." Alice promised. I smiled and started doing the cup song again. "Want to do the pass version?" I nodded and grinned. She took another cup out of who-knows-where and started doing the cup song with me.

**I wish I had more friends, because this is fun. But I don't.**

"Is it because popular people are total bitches?" Alice asked. I nodded.

**A few visible scars, the lost ability to talk, and they immediately feel the need to make me feel worse about myself. What they don't know is that I have seen shit that none of them will ever see.**

"I don't remember my human life." Alice sighed. "But I'm glad that the bullying you went through probably didn't exist when I was human. I'm not sure though…"

**Bullying has been around for centuries. You're lucky that you probably never had to go through what I went through and still go though.**

I stood up and walked to the window. I looked out. The Taekwondo place was looking scarier by the minute. I shivered and stepped back. I began pacing. Everything because of me…

**Hey Alice, it was mentioned that James was a vampire when he attacked my home when I was six. Why didn't he drain my family's blood?**

"James is sadistic. From what Edward could tell, James was bored that night after hunting and found a belonging of yours. James thought that your scent was unique, so he followed it." My eyes widened.

**Oh fuck. This was my fault to begin with. **

I sat down and my leg started vibrating, bouncing up and down rapidly; a nervous habit I had developed at the mental hospital. I stood up again and tried to clear my head.

"Alex, this could have happened to anybody." Alice grabbed my arm. "Don't blame yourself."

**I don't know why I keep surviving if I'm just going to have another near-death experience. I mean, come on! Nearly dying, but surviving just so I can nearly die again? My life is pretty fucked up. All of that and now I'm told that the vampire who's responsible for taking everything important to me in life away was bored when he ruined it all? If I were a totally different person, this might seem funny, but believe me, it's just cruel.**

I took a deep breath. I knew a few yoga positions and I enjoyed breathing and getting comfortable in an uncomfortable pose and learning to clear my head and focus on breathing. My favorite was Fallen Angel. I faintly remembered that Izzie and Mama liked yoga. Grandma always said that anyone who was hurt, lost, or unsure, was just an angel that fell out of the sky that needed help getting back up. Thus; Fallen Angel. I walked into the bedroom. I took off my shoes and slowly got into the position. I let myself breathe in that position. I was just an angel that fell out of the sky for eleven years. It was time for me to get back into the sky.

_I was lying on the ground of a field. My wings were damaged. One was black and the other was white. I was wearing a gray satin dress. I was barefoot._

_ Everybody that I knew was flying above me. I reached for help. Nobody helped. Finally, one reached down and helped me up. For one glorious moment, I was soaring with everybody else. I began to fall._

_ My dress and wings turned to completely black. I fell into a deep hole. It was perfectly tailored to my measurements. The dirt began to fall with me. I landed on a coffin. I looked over my shoulder to see the coffin. _

_Alexandra "Alex" Nicole Parker_

_January 12, 1987- September 17th, 2006_

_Aged 18_

I hit against something hard. The floor. Had I really fallen asleep in my yoga position? I got up, rubbing my side. I might have bruised the right side of my body.

"So, you're okay?" Alice asked, walking in.

**I guess I fell asleep in my yoga position. Makes sense, since Fallen Angel is the most comfortable to me.**

"I didn't know that you do yoga." Alice said.

**It was Mama and Izzie's favorite position. They loved yoga too.**

Alice nodded, almost absent-mindedly. I narrowed my eyes as I followed her back to the main room.

**Start talking. I know when someone's keeping something from me.**

"We're taking you to the airport later. They've lost James, and he could turn up at the taekwondo place at any time. It's not safe for you here." My knee began vibrating even though I was standing up. I kept my hand on my thigh to keep my knee still as possible. It didn't work. I took a deep breath.

In… 2…3 Remember yoga Alex.

Out… 2…3 Remain calm.

"You okay Alex?" Alice asked.

**Just practicing crisis management in my mind. They taught me some techniques at the Napa State Hospital. **

I took another deep breath.

_**Come on Alex, now is not the time to lose it. You don't have time for a nervous breakdown. **_

__I felt a wave of calm wash over me. I sighed with relief.

**Thanks.**

I sat down and started drawing again. Lines came from the end of my pencil as I let the pencil roam the paper. The lines began to form… The field where I was a fallen angel. The angels flying in the sky, none of them looking down at me, the fallen gray angel. One black wing, one white wing. I took one look at the paper and folded it up, then put it in my pocket.

"You tired Alex?" I nodded absent-mindedly. I got up and walked back to the bedroom to lay down. I unlaced my boots, but zipped up my jacket. I placed my combat boots in reach if I needed them any second. They were my favorite pair which came up to just below my knees. They blocked water really well too. That was the best bonus to combat boots. I curled up into a fetal position and let myself fall asleep.

_ I was walking around the Sacramento airport. It was empty. It was dark outside. I had a boarding pass in my hand and a backpack on my back. I was desperately trying to find my terminal. I noticed that my nails were black and I was wearing a leather bracelet. Two actually. On my right middle finger was an old ring of Mama's. I began running. A giant wolf snarled in my face, out of nowhere. I sprinted in the other direction. Black hair fell over my shoulders. I didn't have black hair. I crashed into Edward who had red eyes. I got back up and backed into the middle of the airport. I began falling. I fell into a coffin. The lid closed over me._

I woke with a start. What did the dream mean? I was going to die; everybody knew that. I also knew that I would die young; there was no reason for me to live past the age of twenty-one or even nineteen. The ring was never found on the scene of my family's deaths. But Mama never took it off.

I glanced at the time. I had been asleep for eight hours. I rolled over and stretched out. A part of me was telling myself not to go to the airport with Alice and Jasper.

Shut up me.

I started tapping on the bedside table. I liked the rhythm and wondered where I had heard it before. I must have heard it in my sleep. I yawned and put my boots back on, knowing that I wouldn't get back to sleep. I wasn't one of those people who really liked sleep. I liked the night better. It was peaceful then.

Breathe Alex, breathe.

My knee began vibrating.

I sat in the corner and tried to meditate. It wasn't hard because there was dead silence.

Flashback.

_I sighed and put To Kill A Mockingbird down. I slid off of the bed in my room. I was in the mental hospital. The only things that I found interesting involved me not having to communicate with people. I did school work that girls my age were doing in California. _

"_Alex, it's lunch time." The nurse said knocking on the door. I nodded. They usually just brought it to my room. This time would be no different. _

_Knowing full well the consequences of me doing it, I brought out my watercolors and began painting images that inhabited my mind from five years before. My dead sister and brother. My dead parents. The silhouette with the knife._

_I missed my family more than anything. The people who worked at the mental hospital were careful to not let me have silverware other than spoons. They knew what I would do if I got my hands on a knife or fork. My lunch was brought in. Tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich._

"_The yoga class starts in ten minutes if you want to go." The nurse told me. I nodded my head. They locked me up when I didn't show them that I wanted to eat in the cafeteria or take the yoga class. I had my own bathroom with a toilet and sink. I was allowed to brush my teeth, hair, wash my hands, and face in my room. I showered every other day. I ate quickly, gulping down the soup and stuffing the sandwich down my throat. I finished my water in less than ten seconds. _

_I walked to the yoga room. My long hair was braided, not hiding my face, the way I liked it. I was the best at yoga. It was the only time I could be at peace with myself._

_The only time._

End of Flashback.

Yoga might have saved my life. My grandmother who died when I was five made that possible.

Flashback.

"_Grammy, what are Mama and Izzie doing?" I was sitting on her lap._

"_Fallen Angel, Andra." Grammy kissed the top of my head. It was six months before she died. _

"_What's that?"_

"_A yoga position, Andra. My favorite."_

"_Why?"_

"_Did you know that any person who is hurt, lost, or unsure is just a fallen angel? We are all angels. Fallen angels just need a little help to get back in the sky and fly with the rest of us."_

"_Am I a fallen angel Grammy?"_

_ "No Andra and I hope you never have to be." She held me close._

End of flashback.

I pulled an emergency anti-depressant out of my pocket. I dry swallowed.

**I miss you all.**

I sat back on the bed and tried to forget.

To forget those who I had failed.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Remember _bold italics_ are Alex's thoughts. PLEASE REVIEW! I don't even care if it's random.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but Alex. Never have, never will. Yeah, she's way cooler than Bella Fucking Swan. I'm proud to be the owner of Alex.**

Alex

I tugged my hood further over my face. We were at the Oakland International Airport. Alice squeezed my shoulder. I offered her a tight smile. My knee kept vibrating. I tried to keep it still.

_**In… 2… 3**_

_** Out… 2… 3**_

_** Breathe Alex, breathe.**_

People were whispering about me and staring. I tugged my hood lower and looked at my lap. I tried to get my hair to cover my face.

"You okay Alex?" Alice asked, her voice barely a whisper.

**Don't worry about me; it's nothing I'm not used to.**

This was why I hated going out in public. People staring at me and reminding me of the monster I was. The monster that killed its family.

_**High school Alex, just graduate high school. Then you can commit suicide. Knife, hanging, drown, bullet through the brain, just finish high school first. Send your words out first. The fallen angel who will fall even deeper.**_

"You eat anything today?" Alice asked. I fingered the emergency anti-depressants in my pocket.

"Anything NOT anti-depressants?" She clarified. I bit my lip and shook my head.

"I'll take her." I looked up from my lap when Jasper volunteered to take me to get some food. I stood up and followed him. We passed the women's room when I became aware that I needed to use the bathroom. I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned.

**I need to use the bathroom. **

"I'll wait right here." He promised, as he followed me to just outside the bathroom. I hurried into a stall to relieve myself. I was delighted that the bathroom was empty. I finished and went to the sink. While I was washing my hands, I wasn't looking in the mirror. Now that I look back on it, that was really foolish. I was grabbed around the waist by someone with skin like ice. The person showed me a note.

_Try anything, and you suck my dick._

I felt sick. I was dragged out of the other entrance to the bathroom, and shoved in the back seat of a car. My hands were handcuffed behind my back. James just smirked. He drove for twenty minutes. I watched the clock.

He pulled up to a driveway. Had I eaten anything, I would have thrown it all up. It was the house I had lived in up until I was six years old. I wasn't ready to be back there even though it had been eleven years.

James dragged me into the room where my family had died eleven years previously. He ripped my jacket off and re-chained my hands behind my back. I silently screamed until I felt lightheaded.

"I didn't finish with you all of those years ago. Good thing they didn't turn you into one of us. That would have ruined the fun. It happened once, many years ago. The prey was in a mental hospital where an old vampire had grown fond of her. When she awakened, there was no more reason for me to hunt her. But you're still human." James grinned sadistically. He took out an enormous knife. He traced a painful path from the center of my collar to my chest, ripping my shirt in the process. Scarlet liquid came up not far behind the knife's trail.

"I will be able to do this though." He took out a video camera and pressed play. "Say hello to your boyfriend, what's his name? Oh yeah, Edward." He tore my shirt right off and drew scarlet designs on my upper body. I was finding it harder and harder not to throw up. Then, James licked the blade of the knife.

"You taste bad. But smell so good, like vanilla and citrus. Not as good as that girl from many years ago." James wrinkled his nose. "Oh yeah, you're a little vegetarian human. I will have to punish you though." James looked at my exposed upper body. I was glad that I was still wearing my bra. "Let's see, we'll start with your legs." He sank the blade into my legs and drew designs all over them through the black fabric. I silently screamed in pain. That was the only way I could express my pain.

"I bet you want children, all girls your age do. You don't deserve any. We'll have to fix that, but not now." He flipped me over and drew more designs on my back and sides. When he got bored with that, James stamped on my left arm, breaking it. He snapped my lower leg too after kicking my sides. Then, James lifted me by the throat and threw me across the room.

"It's really sad you know. They could have gotten rid of the scars all over your body and given you your voice back by changing you." James seemed to think about this. "But you are a monster, so we should cull you. You don't even deserve to live." James kicked me across the room face first into a mirror. I had the good sense to close my eyes.

_**PAIN! I'm a monster and don't deserve to live! Just let me burn in hell!**_

I was sobbing, my tears making my cuts sting.

"Now let's make sure that no weak child of yours will ever have a beating heart." James seemed to search for something in between my hips. He sank his knife in closer to my right hip. I couldn't cry out audibly. I felt agony. Then he sank his teeth into my right wrist. I felt like my blood was turning into molten lava. I opened my eyes when James was gone from me and saw something lying by my left eye. It was Mama's ring. I grabbed it with my right hand and held tightly to it. Then I saw a beautiful sight.

Edward was beating the shit out of James. Another silent scream escaped my lips.

"Alex, I've got you. It's okay, I promise." Alice said, as she knelt beside me.

My wrist! I mouthed.

"Shit, Carlisle!" Alice yelled.

I'm dying aren't I? I mouthed. Alice nodded.

Sing me to my death. My lips formed the words. Sing, If I Die young by The Band Perry. It's my last request.

"Okay Alex."

Andra, call me Andra. I mouthed.

"Okay Andra." Alice took a breath and began singing. "_If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a, bed of roses, sink me in the river, at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song._"

Alice's singing was the only thing that was keeping me sane. I felt another two people kneel beside me.

"Can you save her?" Edward asked.

"Yes I can. He bit her, and her injuries will heal on their own if we let her go through the change."

"_Lord make me a rainbow"_

"Is there another way?"

"_She'll know I'm safe with you as she stands under my colors, oh and life ain't always what you think it out to be no, ain't even gray but she buries her baby. The sharp knife of a short liiiiife._" Alice's singing kept me on the Earth.

"You can suck the venom out." I felt something tied to my upper arm

"_Well, I've had, just enough time._" I felt cold lips on my wrist. I felt the blood leaving my body and the burning ceasing.

"It's working!" I could hear sirens in the distance.

"Alex, can you hear me?" Edward asked.

"_Never known the loving of a man, but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand. There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever, who woulda thought forever could be severed by, the sharp knife of a short liiiiiiife. Well, I've had just enough tiiiiiiiiiiime._"

"Alex, nod if you can hear me." I nodded slowly. I, the fallen angel was floating from the Earth.

"She's lost too much blood. The ambulance needs to be here NOW!"

"_So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls. What I never did is done. A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar; they're worth so much more, now that I'm a goner. And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing, funny when you're dead, how people start listening._"

I was losing consciousness. The pain was growing too unbearable.

"We're losing her."

"Alex, focus on Alice's singing. Alice, sing louder!" Edward cradled my neck as he came into my line of sight.

"_Uh-oh uh-oh, the ballad of a dove, go with peace and love. Gather up years, keep em in your pocket, save em for a time when you're really gonna need em, uh-oh, the sharp knife of a short liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife. Well, I've had just enough tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime. So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls._" Alice finished the song.

I slipped out of consciousness as I hear Carlisle declare that I would make it, and Edward whisper four words.

"Alex, I love you."

**A/N: PLEASE REVEIW OR I'M NOT CONTINUING THIS STORY!**

**The idea behind Alice's singing saving Alex, (or Andra, as you get to call her IF YOU REVIEW) is that it gives Alex something to focus on besides the pain.**


	10. Chapter 10

Alex

I awoke to a loud beeping near my ear. I tried to roll over, but alas, I couldn't. I felt Mama's ring in my right hand. I was still holding it tightly. I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter.

"Alex?" I heard Edward's voice whisper.

_**In… 2… 3**_

_**Out… 2… 3**_

_**In… 2… 3**_

_**Out… 2… 3**_

_**Breathe Alex, remember yoga.**_

"Alex?" I slowly opened my eyes. At first, I couldn't see the room I was in because the light was blinding. My eyes finally adjusted to the light. I was in a white room. It was very un-familiar.

**Where am I?**

I dropped the tarnished blood stained ring that meant the world to me. I snatched it up right away and put it on my right ring finger.

"In the hospital in San Francisco." I slowly nodded. I furrowed my eyebrows trying to remember what happened.

**What happened?**

"If anybody asks, you fell down two flights of stairs and out of a window at your old home, where you, disoriented, rolled around in the glass, desperately trying to get away from the blood." Edward murmured.

**In my memory, a sadistic vampire kidnapped me from the women's bathroom at the San Francisco Airport, then took me to my house where I lived up until I was six, and that same vampire made more scars, broke my bones, and I think he busted an ovary or something of the sort, or else I wouldn't feel pain down there.**

"You must never tell anyone that you know my family secret or what really happened. It was really dangerous for us to move you like that when you were bleeding so much, but we convinced everybody of that story." Edward replied.

**Did James bust an ovary?**

"He actually ruined one of your Fallopian tubes. There is a ninety nine percent chance that you will not have children." Edward replied.

**It went up from a seventy five percent chance that I won't have children then. Not much of a change then.**

"I am curious though, why did you ask Alice to sing you to your death when you thought you were going to die?" Edward asked.

**Death in general doesn't scare me. My own death is inevitable. It is also going to be my escape from this world. Before I knew Alice, I wanted my death to be painful and to go silently and alone. Alice showed me what friendship is, and I decided that I want to go peacefully while she sings to me. Dying doesn't seem so bad if I know that I will go peacefully, even though I will end up in hell.**

"Alexandra Parker, you could never end up in hell." Edward informed me.

**Even if I don't, I know I'm dying young. Eighteen seems like a good run.**

I smiled at my dark humor. I decided that I will have seen all I needed to see, done all I needed to do, by the time I had graduated.

"You are most certainly not dying young." Edward said angrily.

**I know I will. Don't ask me how, but I just know that I won't live to see my twenty-first birthday. The sharp knife of a short life. Anyway, there's not much for me to live for. It's as simple as that. **

"Alex, I would like to prolong your life as long as I can. You can live a good long life, there's nothing else wrong with you besides the fact that you can't have children and you can't speak." Edward said softly.

**I am a scarred girl who knows things that most people will never know. I am grateful though, that your family killed the one to ruin my life. If it weren't for him, I would be living with my sister, brother, and parents. All things that most people live for were taken from me when I was six. I won't fall in love because of him.**

"Alex, I don't want to scare you, but vampires have mates. Jasper is Alice's and vice versa. Rosalie and Emmett are mates. Carlisle and Esme are mates. Please don't freak out, but you are mine. I knew it when you were in danger from that truck. Actually, I knew it from the moment we had biology together." My eyes widened.

**So, we're soul mates? That can't be. You're...**

I paused for a moment to think.

**Perfect, beautiful. I'm not. I'm not pure, I'm not beautiful, and I will never be able to be perfect. I'm a hideous freak. Nobody could love me.**

"Alex, thank you for the compliments, but you are not what you are called. Your beauty is there for those who strive to find it. I found that the beauty is there, but most humans are too shallow to see it." I bit my lip and shook my head.

**They can't see it because it isn't there. I'm scared that I will not be good for you. I have hated life enough to attempt suicide. I do think sometimes that the world would be better off without me. Then I think about that, I have to start thinking about something that most people consider happy. So I start thinking about my favorite songs. Monster by Meg and Dia is a good one.**

"Alex, I have fallen in love for you, so you'll be nothing but perfect to me. You should really stop wearing contacts to hide your eyes." My mouth dropped open.

**How?**

"Just take them out Alex." I took the two contact lenses out of my eyes. In truth, my eyes were blue and brown. I'm serious. One was blue and the other was brown. I ordered the cheapest contacts that I could find that would make my eyes the same color.

"Alexandra Parker, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen." I bit my lip and began messing with the ring on my finger. "Alex, please talk to me."

**Nobody has ever called me beautiful before.**

I began to cry. They weren't tears of sadness; no, they were tears of longing and hope. I longed to have the kind of love that Edward could give me. He had given me hope that I could be loved.

"Well, you truly are beautiful Alex. And if anybody can't see that, then that person is blind." Before I could argue, our lips were touching, and I was experiencing my first kiss. Edward's lips were cold, but it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I was in love too. I wasn't sure if you were supposed to tell that in a kiss, but it seemed to me that I was in love.

I felt slightly sad when Edward's lips left mine. His thumb brushed the tears from my cheek.

"Alex, I would never hurt you in the way you have been hurt. I understand that you would most likely want to take things slowly, but I'm okay with that. The fact is, I'm in love with you and I would wait years for you Alexandra Parker." I smiled. It did hurt since I wasn't used to it, but nevertheless, I was happy.

**Call me Andra.**

**A/N: So here's the new chapter. Tell me what you think. All of you can thank Xechaste for this chapter. So this is what nine chapters have been leading up to.**


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